Lately I've noticed a massive change in my best friend. Her mood is constantly changing from one extreme to the other and I just can't keep up. We usually talk about everything and had never fought before, until a few weeks ago when she snapped at me over nothing. I could deal with it before, thinking that maybe she's having problems that she doesn't want to talk about but it's getting to the point where she is putting me down in front of other people as well as when we are by ourselves. How do I talk to her and what do I say?
Alicia, 16yrs.
Hey Alicia,
It sounds to me like you have figured out what the problem is, which
is a great progress, but haven't figured out a way to go about it
yet, which is understandable. I mean, you can't know everything!
Basically people do go through stages of change which are caused by many factors, especially ay your age. Some of those may be family and financial issues, hormones, stress attacks about life in general (education, getting your licence etc) or it could simply just be a bad week. So there are two choices I can suggest to you when it comes to sorting out your friendship with your bestie.
- You can let it slide for a while and let her get over
it. It may be a smaller deal than you suspect and than
she is making out. She could realise that she is being unreasonable
and the whole situation will pass, leaving you guys closer than
ever. If she is continuously putting you down though I would mention
(without punching her fair in the face and screaming at her in various
tones) that she is hurting your feelings by saying cruel words and
that you don't appreciate it. If it continues, jump to option two.
- Confront her (in a non chainsaw massacre way) about the
situation on mutual grounds so that no one feels intimidated
or that they are being treated unfairly or being ganged up on, (so
asking her over to your house while all your relos are there wouldn't
be fair game). Go to your favourite icecream place or the local
burger joint and talk it out over a big milkshake.
Explain to her (without pointing the finger profusely) that lately she has been acting quite mean and that although you are trying to understand the problem, you are finding it difficult due to lack of communication. Tell her that you are there to support her and would love for her to open up to you about her situation but are not pressuring her at all. Make her feel totally loved (and although she has been a total butt head to you, you would like to think that if you were in her situation that she would give you the same love, if not more) and take into account that she may not know how to open up about certain things.
If she still doesn't want to talk about it, but has realised that taking it out on you isn't right, accept her choices and tell her that there are other options like chatting it out with a family member or even a counsellor.
If she doesn't change at all, and if she takes total offence to the situation and gets worse then move on. Let her be. If she gets over it she will come back and apologise, if not, she was never worth the hassle.
Hope it gets sorted and hope I've helped.
Sarah xx
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