The Bellaboo Crew were blown away with the results of our online poll last month on bullying - a staggering 80% of our boos said that they had experienced bullying! That blew us away 'cos bullying sucks and we wanted to do our bit to put an end to it. So, here's some info and insight into the whole bullying scene and some insight and tips on how to deal with it.
I didn't realise for a while after it happened that I was being bullied. I was in year 11 and had only been at this school for a year. All the girls at school wore really short skirts, heaps of makeup and jewellery, smoked after school, most had had sex and had boyfriends. I wasn't like that. I wore my skirt longer, had plain hair and spent my time after school going to dance classes- I was thinking about becoming a professional dancer. I was into other stuff. I was into punk music and indie rock, got my nose pierced and then later put my hair in dreadlocks. On days when we could wear what we wanted at school, the other girls wore skimpy skirts and I wore tie-dyed second hand dresses. I was interested in Buddhism and cult movies, they were interested in Cosmo magazine and TV soaps. The often got drunk at parties and didn't really do well at school. I did pretty well at school too.
There were times when I made friends with the "cool" people, and other times when I felt completely alone. I ended up making friends with a couple of girls in my maths class who also put their hair in to dreadlocks and died it rainbow colours. Because us "weirdos" were different from the "cool" people, they picked on us. If I was alone girls would call out names like "weirdo", "freak" or "bitch" from classroom windows and then hide while I walked through the empty playground- they thought I didn't know it was them. It hurt that they could be so cruel but at the same time I knew what they were doing was dumb and boring. I thought, "what a boring life they must lead if they enjoy spending time being mean to people and thinking up the nastiest things to say."
I was really surprised that some people were admired because they judged people. It's like the ring leader had power because she/he could criticise someone they happened to not like, and then other people would agree with them so they could be the friend of the ring leader and share some of this power.
What helped me get through it was finding that people outside of school were cool because of the things I was interested in. And I thought I only needed one or two friends at school anyway. I felt I'd become stronger by sticking to my values rather than trying to fit in and do things that might hurt others. It annoyed the "cool" people that I didn't want to be like them- and I realised they are just as afraid as me of not being accepted. So I would try to be nice to them even though they were mean to me. Its funny- a couple of years after I finished school, I saw one of the "cool" girls and she was really nice to me. Maybe she didn't think she had to try so hard to be "cool" and maybe she didn't have to be mean to be "cool" after all. It's funny that when this was happening at school I understood the feelings of what bullying means, but I didn't use that word at the time. I just thought of the people who were bullying me as mean and bored and just different. But now I can see that they were bullies. I don't think they were bad, maybe just having a hard time themselves and made themselves feel safer and secure by hurting others. It's sad because I didn't get to have some of their fun, but I learned to make my own fun. My self esteem was hurt, but I've learned a lot about myself in trying to work out how to rebuild it.
That's just one story of bullying. It happens all the time - name-calling, hassling someone because they might be different, tormenting them with cruel text messages or on their myspace page, or taking it to the next level - physical: pushing, shoving, punching. These are all different forms of bullying.
Why does someone bully? Speak to any number of experts or psychologists and there are varying reasons. Someone going through a tough time, like a parent's divorce, might feel the need to take their aggression out on someone else. Often times bullies learn their behaviour from home - being bullied by parents or siblings. Some argue that poor self-esteem leads someone to bully and by bullying it helps them feel better about themselves. Others say it is in fact an inflated sense of self esteem that makes someone a bully - believing that you can do whatever you want without consequences. Whatever the reason, there is no excuse to bully someone.
In a nutshell, bullying is an abuse of power intended to hurt or humiliate someone else. There is nothing cool about that!
How would you feel if your bullying led to someone killing themselves? Would you be feeling all tough and powerful then? I think not.
Well, the reality is that bullying can destroy lives. So much so that a new term has been coined for kids who have been literally bullied to death - bullycide. Check out youtube and there are countless posts about kids killing themselves because they felt their lives had become unbearable because of bullies. A bully is a brutal coward - end of story!
The effect of bullying can be absolutely devastating. Those being bullied feel unsure of their self-worth, they feel depressed, isolated and alone. If you think you might be involved in bullying in any way - teasing or harassing someone or even watching on and doing nothing if you know someone is being bullied - make a stand and say NO TO BULLYING!
How to stop bullying
- If you think or know that someone is being bullied reach out to them and let me know that you are there to talk to about it. Letting someone know you care can make the world of difference to them when they are feeling isolated and alone
- Boost their confidence by pointing out the great things about them
- Include them in your group - make them feel that they have support and they have friends who care
- If you witness bullying stick up for the person being bullied. Don't do it on your own but with a group of people. Letting the bully know their behaviour sucks might make them think twice about their actions
Affirmative action for bully victims
If you are being bullied there are some simple strategies that may help:
- Ignore the bully - walk away when it starts
- Talk yourself to another place when it starts - have an image of something really nice, really great and go there in your mind to help you block out the bullying antics
- Look at the bully with new eyes - what do you see? Someone who is as unsure, scared and insecure as you and who is finding aggression as their only way of fitting in. That's not so impressive or scary is it?
- Bullies pick on those that they perceive to be weaker than them so stand up for yourself. Tell them firmly to stop. Use humour when they start to deflect the situation and to show them that they are not getting to you. It kinda hampers their fun if they realise they are not intimidating you.
- Remind yourself daily of all your good points
- Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself
- Talk about it with your family and friends
- Stay out of the way of bullies
- Remember, being picked on for being different, good at school or just your own person is more the bullies insecurity than yours - you have the guts to be yourself and all they are doing is relying on aggression to overcome their insecurity.
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Comments
i think bulling is something people do to cover up there problems. I have been bulled a coulp of weeks by a girl cause i was getting more attion then her.
Yeah, we totally think bullying sucks! It is def the person doing the bullying who has the prob. i think everyone talks about it more when it happens then the bullies feel exposed and those being bullied build a support network so it's not so bad. love to hear from more boos who have been bullied